We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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