You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
