There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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