1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
