please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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