i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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