i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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