happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
