I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
