I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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