I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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