Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...