I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder