Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
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No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Two words: blizzard sex
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet