So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
