I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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