I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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