New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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