Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
