I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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