you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
