That's intense
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
