and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
