Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
