Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she told me i tasted like america
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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