dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize