What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Will exercising make me less horny?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
