the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
