I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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