He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
