I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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