You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...