I want to make a zoo with you.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.