Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

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(347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw

Replies (134) Good night (44948) Bad night (2174)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.

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(203): My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn. http://tfl.nu/0pkd

Replies (12) Good night (966) Bad night (3865)
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(678): View more from Georgia

so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

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(678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style. http://tfl.nu/eq3b

Replies (27) Good night (1516) Bad night (9262)
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(416): View more from Ontario

He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.

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(416): He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French. http://tfl.nu/rqrw

Replies (81) Good night (1131) Bad night (5926)
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(585): View more from New York

bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning

(1-585): View more from New York

oh god.. jail?

(585): View more from New York

better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

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(585): bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning (1-585): oh god.. jail? (585): better, on the catwalk of the auditorium http://tfl.nu/ulvj

Replies (22) Good night (8788) Bad night (800)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..

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(608): Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me.. http://tfl.nu/thrx

Replies (23) Good night (1744) Bad night (4843)
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(360): View more from Washington

I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.

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(360): I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/54bi

Replies (14) Good night (1293) Bad night (3963)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.

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(724): Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am. http://tfl.nu/emfv

Replies (8) Good night (2508) Bad night (905)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.

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(313): Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose. http://tfl.nu/p7by

Replies (14) Good night (2971) Bad night (1186)
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(713): View more from Texas

just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!

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(713): just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success! http://tfl.nu/u8oi

Replies (4) Good night (1453) Bad night (659)
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(224): View more from Illinois

Stop whining I left you with whiskey

(224): View more from Illinois

YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.

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(224): Stop whining I left you with whiskey (1-224): YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE. http://tfl.nu/439l

Replies (6) Good night (2264) Bad night (891)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar

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(651): I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar http://tfl.nu/y23q

Replies (4) Good night (795) Bad night (442)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me

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(416): I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me http://tfl.nu/whcm

Replies (5) Good night (904) Bad night (580)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.

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(410): Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad. http://tfl.nu/fe6u

Replies (12) Good night (505) Bad night (1206)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.

(647): View more from Ontario

Hey, I'm your guy

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(613): I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this. (647): Hey, I'm your guy http://tfl.nu/p6u8

Replies (2) Good night (1196) Bad night (396)

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