just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?