naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.