I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
