..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.