What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.