Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  you want me

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i'd rather choke on a dick.

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  (773): you want me (978): i'd rather choke on a dick. http://tfl.nu/nrvz
  Replies (3) Good night (1131) Bad night (1742)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing

  (719): View more from Colorado

  The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner

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  (303): Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing (719): The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors? (303 ): Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner http://tfl.nu/juf5
  Replies (13) Good night (2668) Bad night (838)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts

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  (214): I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts http://tfl.nu/860y
  Replies (20) Good night (3105) Bad night (660)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Grandpa would have been proud

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  (815): Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out. (815): Grandpa would have been proud http://tfl.nu/nrjc
  Replies (13) Good night (5930) Bad night (1325)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card

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  (304): Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card http://tfl.nu/10du
  Replies (15) Good night (4329) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30

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  (763): chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30 http://tfl.nu/6e6v
  Replies (4) Good night (2233) Bad night (1090)
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  (209): View more from California

  Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.

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  (209): Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt. http://tfl.nu/nrp4
  Replies (3) Good night (1514) Bad night (966)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.

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  (715): I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption. http://tfl.nu/d2pl
  Replies (6) Good night (1299) Bad night (662)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?

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  (609): What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion? http://tfl.nu/x6xu
  Replies (6) Good night (662) Bad night (2025)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital

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  (631): Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital http://tfl.nu/fnso
  Replies (12) Good night (1283) Bad night (861)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off

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  (519): my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off http://tfl.nu/nyl9
  Replies (9) Good night (3033) Bad night (575)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.

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  (778): He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him. http://tfl.nu/e3t2
  Replies (5) Good night (2111) Bad night (1112)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?

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  (202): What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom? http://tfl.nu/x7t2
  Replies (9) Good night (996) Bad night (471)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao

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  (214): Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao http://tfl.nu/k098
  Replies (5) Good night (1086) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.

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  (312): I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that. http://tfl.nu/kiyu
  Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (361)

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