Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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