I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
