Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A bitchslap is in order.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
