im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
