Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
