Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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