sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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