I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
