I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
