talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
