She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
