I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
