pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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