it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
