We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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