if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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