I think my fart just growled at me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
