Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
