guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize