It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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