so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
how does that bad decision feel?
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