the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
