she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
