We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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