i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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