I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
