its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
