careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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