i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
