with your own penis?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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