after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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