sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it hurts more in the daytime
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
