The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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