god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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