im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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