He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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