So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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