oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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