ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
