saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
