how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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