I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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