A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Everclear isn't food dammit
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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