I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
