I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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