I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
